Where Was I When?

It's truly amazing to think back on things sometimes. Even more so when you are teaching it.

Between teaching the post World War II history to eighth grade and going through a bit of a Billy Joel phase of late (We Didn't Start the Fire) it's been incredible to see what I have witnessed so far in my relatively short lifespan and how much things have changed.

I probably bore my eighth graders talking about what I remember. I was in fifth grade when the Berlin Wall fell. Boom, just like that. One day we were watching a movie about escaping over it (Anyone remember that film? I think it was a Disney thing, this guy went over the wall in a hot air balloon) and three days later there they were taking it apart on the cover of Weekly Reader (our fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Mayfield got a piece of the wall from a German exchange student that stayed with her, I HELD a piece of history in my hands.).

I remember the Soviet Union coming apart and the ensuing civil wars in the smaller countries. I met a member of the Afghani royal family (some minor member) who fled to the US (And Nashville, IN of all places) because of the Soviet Occupation.

I remember being on the way to church and sitting in the parking lot at the Old Goshen church when we learned that we had started bombing Iraq for the first time.

I cried when the Challenger exploded. I was scared when they started deploying troops to Iraq. I was bored and outraged during the Impeachment trials -- and rolled my eyes at the people around me. (It's never a really good time to be an ultra conservative at Indiana University LOL)

But I also remember being shocked when my friends got pregnant in high school and when some admitted to being sexually active even though some waited until high school.

I watched friends take marijuana and LSD (Yes, the drugs of the 60's were the popular ones in Brown County). I watched a brilliantly talented musician friend burn her brain out in LSD in so many ways. I could do nothing but watch and pray.

A friend died in a car accident and another died of cancer, but after graduation I survived a car accident that should've killed me.

Yeah, that took a toll for a very long time.

I'm not sure if I even have a point to this blog. Just so much dead space going through my head the last few days. I'm working on making my new life here in Idaho, even now over a year later, but sometimes just the smallest portion of grief can get to me so easily.

I don't know why I am still alive at times. Car wrecks and somewhat reckless decisions could pretty much have been the end of me several times, but I know that God has a plan for my life.

But what about the others? I'm no worthier than Mike Arteoga, than Linda Lowry, or Jeff Alvey. In fact, I see how many times I fail day by day and wonder how long before God says "Ok, this is enough, this girl is nuts!"

But the grace of God is so much bigger than what I am. Bigger than my zany stupidity and my ability to trip over my own feet. Bigger than the hurtful things that I can do to people.

Who am I to be in leadership? Just a faulty human woman. A daughter of Eve as C.S. Lewis and Marcus both say. Brilliantly socially awkward at some times and socially adaptable at others.

This blog has no real purpose, but I send it out into a questioning world. I can't believe that I'm not the only one that's ever had these rambling thoughts.

Belonging

Two songs today just stick out in my mind:

"Still you hear me when I'm calling, lord you catch me when I'm falling and you show me who I am, I am yours"

and

"Why are you searching for love? Why are you still trying as if I'm not enough?"

I guess this has come up in the past few days, not because of any circumstance in particular, but a lot of what ifs in general.

As much as I adore Pastor Craig and Sister Andrea, I do still miss Bishop and Sister Rice. I miss the fatherly type of advice I get from Bishop Rice.

In many ways, I am still growing into adulthood I guess. The feeling of being independent instead of being in my (to borrow a Lakota word ) "tipospaye" (I think that's how you spell it) or my large extended native family. The family that you know will always take care of you no matter what.

And yes, this is far more traditional then modern society. I am used to a father figure over me and a huge amount of interdependence. When I moved out here I had to start rebuilding a network, a family. My church has become that to me. The problem was is that I did depend on Bishop and Sister Rice for advice, especially for that which I need more of parent advice.

I guess its because certain things have crossed my mind lately. I'm very old fashioned in a lot of ways and don't believe that a career is the be all end all of my life. I also am a firm believer in courtship rather than dating and that means being under submission to authority. And while Dad isn't here, that is Pastor Craig which feels weird, but is ok.

There's a lot of steps I take, that I wish my family were here for, but they can't be. And sometimes it does feel like I don't belong at church because i have no family. I just remember how we would take someone in when Pastor had families pray together in Bean Blossom.

Thankfully that doesn't happen often here. Because it would be a problem. I am a leader in the church and I am on my own.

But who do I belong to? As my cousin reminded me today, I am a princess, a daughter of the king.

And I am his.

Make Me a Servant

Bishop Seniour always said that the difference in the prodigal son from when he left and when he came back was that when he left his attitude was "give me" and when he came back, his attitude was "make me".

Whenever I hear the song "When God Ran" or I read that story, I remember that comment from my very first UPC Pastor, a man that still influences my life to this day. The attitude of the prodigal son "make me a servant".

I guess that that song and that thought is what's in my head and heart today as I go through my day. I had a conversation with a friend last night about being a servant and serving people.

How do I serve a person without putting them on a pedestal? Or do you? And how do you serve without demeaning yourself?

I see imperfections in people, believe me, I usually prefer my dog and tarantula to most humans. But at the same time, I know I am out here first and foremost to help with a ripe harvest of souls in Idaho Falls. That I am a servant of God and my church.

Serving my pastor is the easiest sometimes. Making coffee, making sure the sound system is on when church starts. Doing my best in the sound booth although it is not my favorite job in the world. Lifting him and his wife up in prayer every day. And never down talking him ever.

But how do I serve others in the church? How do I build up the other leadership? Male or female how do I serve without seeming that I am demeaning myself.

I'm straight up not a feminist. I believe that God created men and women differently with different strengths and weaknesses. We are wired differently to complement each other. And a man is the leader, a woman is not. (But a man is a complete idiot not to listen to the advice of a woman and consider it because she will see something differently than he does and perhaps something he missed)

The thing is, I am figuring out how to build up the other leaders in church. For someone with my views it may seem as a complete contradiction that I am a department head, but I am under submission to my pastor which makes all the difference in the world.

So how do I serve? How do I build up without tearing down? How can I encourage someone without nagging?

I guess that's a new journey of discovery for Sister Naomi as she enters her 30th year.

Changing Faces and Getting Comfortable

Maybe I'm restless as I get ready to turn the corner to 30.

Maybe I'm growing up and just wanting to look like it, but I've wanted to change lately. Change is good right?

So I changed, in as big a way as a Pentecostal girl can. My native straight hair is now a mass of curls down my back. And not the kind that I have to sleep on foam curlers to obtain.

So now I look in the mirror as I get ready for school and see the exact Pentecostal girl that I said I would never become. Scarier? I LOVE the way I look and LOVE to look in the mirror.

I don't know what's happening to me lately. I make my skirts a bit shorter, I'm buying high heels. I am twisting my hair up in funky dos with my new perm or even just washing it and "scrunching" it and leaving it down my back. I've put up more photos of myself on facebook in the last week then I had in a long time (Most of my pics on there are school pictures.)

It is sometimes confusing though. I don't know why I am going through all these changes. To prove that although I'm single at almost 30 (I'm a veritable old maid in Pentecost LOL) I am still pretty? Just a feminine desire to be beautiful and alluring?

I can't tell you what these changes are. I'm not sure who I am becoming myself. Between school and church I have little time for introspection.

So what's going to happen in my next thirty years (to borrow a line from Tim McGraw. *smiles*)

I will walk more and more confidently in God, depending on him.

I will see revival in Idaho Falls, while the temple may not come down physically, it WILL metaphorically.

I want to become the person that my pastor thinks that I am.

I want to see my friends at work saved.

Most of all, while I like to look pretty, I want to not concentrate on what I look like, but focus on who I am. Because I'm a princess, a daughter of the king and no matter what I am called to do, I will focus on doing it properly.

Considerations...

It came out of a single thought on a website that I frequent -- namely creative worship tour (http://www.creativeworshiptour.com)

How do you get teenage and child presentations in the church out of the realm of "a moment in the spotlight" or entertainment and bring them into true worship? This becomes even closer to my heart as I prepare for Sunday's Easter program.

Raised in a Pentecostal church in the Pentecostal culture, I was encouraged to worship at a youngish age (My parents got into church when I was six) Kids are in worship service with the adults and sing and worship with them. Often it starts as imitation but it then will blossom into true worship as they get older. By the time you are a teen, you take some adult responsibilities on in the church and when doing drama or music are taken as seriously as an adult.

Does this have to do with the sincerity of the child or teen? I think not actually. I think it has to do with adult expectations and what they model for the young people in their congregation. Do we want to dumb everything down for our children and young adults or do we want to raise the bar so that they experience God at a young age?

Granted, this takes a shift in many denominations, instead of keeping the children "entertained" during church, maybe they should participate in the worship. The more they participate and the more they get of the presence of God, the more they will want it. God is what keeps them as they grow up, not programs or activities but having the presence of God in their own lives and experiencing him for themselves.

Now lest anyone would think that I'm against Sunday School or programs for teens, I am EMPHATICALLY not against them. I'm the Sunday School director at my church and deal with childrens' programming, including our newly formed choir/praise streamer team. But my goal is not necessarily to be perfect, but rather to teach them to worship authentically and to experience God for themselves.

If we loose this generation because we are more concerned with being entertained then we are about their walk with God then we have lost our future as a church. With people talking about "the fall of Evangelical Christianity" we can no longer afford to just sit and wait on our kids to grow up. They need to take the leadership they are called to NOW and maybe even to give the adults a few lessons.

Jesus said to "suffer not the little children to come unto me". He did not say to wait until they were older, he wanted them in his presence even at the earliest of ages and the children in this story WANTED to be in the presence of Jesus.

What does that tell us now?

I'm disturbed by what I see in Christianity today, from changing standards to moral relativism to the whole "Emergent church" concept. Kids are learning the moral relativism in school, in pop culture, everywhere. Let's not let them learn it at church too.

Instead, let's lead them into a passionate relationship with Jesus Christ himself, teaching them right and wrong as we go. And let them embrace the creativity that they were gifted with. If those two things occur, then truth will continue to thrive.