Winter Wonderland? Holidays Away from Home and Christmas in Retail...

I'm sitting in a warm house on my roommate's Mac with a day off of work and SNOWED IN.

Ok, not completely, just til they plow the stupid alleyway in the back. My little tiny Ford Aspire will NOT get out - Kriss's truck barely got out. I haven't tried, but looking at the situations back there I see no point in trying -- I'm completely having trouble walking to the backyard.

Yeah, I am TERRIFIED of heights and HATE winter weather. And where does God call me to? The Idaho Rockies.

Life goes on as normal here. Pastor Craig and Sister Andrea have moved in to the satisfaction of everyone as far as I can tell. The lone one voter who voted against them has not spoken up since -- we don't know who it was. The kids are SO happy that they are here. They love Pastor Craig so it works.

By this point, I am almost done with my very first Christmas season in retail. Now this is not a crazy spot for Christmas -- our busy time at Office Max is Back to School -- but it's been nuts enough. Though last night, it was fun -- we were putting together display chairs and cracking jokes, and such. I love working with a group of geeks even if I am constantly tired from all the stuff I try to fit in a week.

In the meantime, life goes on. I'm sick of Christmas music because there is NO religious music on our MUSAK station and so we hear the same stuff OVER AND OVER AND OVER. One night, in my four hour shift, I heard the song "What Are You Doing New Year's Eve" FIVE TIMES.

Yeah, I was annoyed. Last night, I was sooo sick of it that I was singing "Fine Fine Line" from Avenue Q and "Once Upon a Time" from Brooklyn to try to combat it in my head. Of course, Josh, one of my supervisors was half singing "I'm the Pirate King" from Pirates of Penzance... Just two lines, but enough to make me giggle.

keeping busy is good. Trying to make my own traditions is fun -- Kriss and I are going to listen to a bell concert tomorrow night. And I'm making a French Toast Strata and then we are making an elaborate breakfast for Christmas morning.

It's rough though. I'm missing Kaylee's first Christmas. I'm missing Joel and Zeke and Zach and their Christmas gifts. I miss my parents, my grandparents, my brothers, my sister, even all my in-laws...

But I cannot trade what I have here. I know as Jeff Siscoe put it once, the best example that I can send my nephews and niece is that their aunt follows God's will even if it is difficult. I have to remember that.

I'm a missionary. And that is where I belong.

"Straight Sizes"

Never heard the term?

I'm not surprised I guess. Most people haven't. Unless you're in plus sizes and then you understand perfectly.

I had a turning point this weekend. My khaki skirts that I wear to Office Max are all falling off of me. In fact, anything without a drawstring is starting to fall off of me. So while I was in at Ross's, I looked at the belt rack.

I have never been able to get a belt in my life, at least not without squeezing, scrimping and pushing at it.

I pulled an XL belt off the rack and it FIT with room to spare. As in the first try I pick up a simple black belt that is so to my taste it's not even funny.

Then it got better. I spoke for some 1X tops on freecycle. These looked too small but I tried them on anyway. I'm wearing the second one today. A pretty fitted tunic top with pleats that buttons up the front.

Not sure but I am going to try on the cute velvet WalMart dresses just to see...


So why am I writing this?

It's a scary moment in my life. I haven't run around in an 18/20 since around college days. Before the first major bout of depression, I was in an 18 and ok with it then, but did want to be skinnier. I'll never be a size 6, it's not in my build, but I'm loosing a lot of the extra weight.

It's scary. I've been big for so long, it's felt like an exclusive club I belong to. Clothing choices are a lot less but at least it's predictable.

Now that I'm on the cusp of the so-called "straight sizes" (And yeah, I can wear some of them) I'm scared spitless... Everyone is like "Oh you look so good" or "It's so much healthier for you"

And I am sitting falling apart for no apparent reason other than suddenly I have more choices in my clothing and knowing that this may or may not bring more attention to my appearance. (I'm still VERY curvy. That's another always will be)

So... What's going to happen? Why am I so scared?

I don't know.

Running the Dog Spa

For those that don't know, the love of my life is not a human male but a bratty pug/chi rescue named Pippin. Today was a semi-free afternoon. So here is the tragic tale....


I was playing with his majesty the pug in the living room today and decided his toenails were getting on my nerves.

As well as his smell.

So steps go as follows:

1. Grab Messiah CD (for my own personal relaxation also Kris, Lynn and I are going to a Handel concert tonight so... :) ) and toenail trimmers from my room.
2. Grab the dog. Pippin does not think he is in this for any personal lap time nor is he getting fed so he's already leary.
3. Take left front paw and hold it firmly in hand, then clip dew claw.
4. Pug tries to make himself look small and pathetic and shivering and jerking foot away. Human sits firm.
5. Four claws later on same paw, cry of distress is heard.
6. Mommy stops and then grabs a kleenex, hoping to save jeanskirt from blood stains, all the while telling pug everything is ok.
7. Human stops suddenly when pulling tissue away realizes that there is no blood present on the tissue.
8. Human continues on right front foot.
9. Human once more stops when pug yelps.
10. Once more grabs tissue to find that there is no blood.
11. Human realizes she is getting royally played by pug and manages to complete the job.
12. After pug is exhausted by this job, bath is simple and followed off by a good poop.

yeah, definitely personality.

Full Circle/ Seasons Change

We had a field trip yesterday. The whole school went to Blast Off, a local Laser Tag/Arcade/Playground/Pizza/Miniature Golf/Rock climbing place. Fun stuff really. I ran around like a maniac with my students, shooting them all and "defending" our red base. Quite fun.

It did take me back though. Three years ago, when our youth/singles were here on the missions trip that changed our lives, we went to Blast Off for Laser Tag... We shot Pastor Rice and giggled and had a great time. I went home and waited for two hours for the adrenaline to wear off.

I talked to Sister Snyder (my pastor's wife's mother) that night about wanting to come back here, feeling God's call on my life. We giggled about some other stuff (left in my head and heart for now) and I went to bed, knowing that THIS was where I belonged. And I knew that Pastor Rice would be my pastor at some point.

Fast forward to 2007, I have lived here over a year. And all the work of being involved in a home missions church, furthered by all the transitions of late. And amazingly enough, a church election last night.

Yes, Pastor Craig was voted in. Much to my relief as this church cannot handle the stress of doing this multiple times. And the last three days had been stressful enough to make me scream.

So I have come full circle, playing laser tag with my students and wondering about where life is going once more. But God has control of my life and that makes everything perfect.

On Christ the Solid Rock I stand...

"My hope is built on nothing less
Then Jesus' blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly lean on Jesus name.

On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand..."

The song that has been going through my head for two weeks. I was singing it in the back a week or so back and was rewarded by hearing Pastor Rice humming behind me. He's the only one I know that will come back when I am playing Keith Green or 2nd Chapter of Acts and come and sing with it. (I was doing lesson plans this summer and he came back and started singing Mansion Builder with my CD LOL)

It's been interesting at Mountainview Christian Center recently. Pastor Craig has put enough miles on his car between here and Lewiston that I'm surprised that gas isn't eating him alive. Pastor Rice and Sister Rice are in Salt Lake over half the week, leaving me with two students in class. Then Sister Lisa got sick and messed up her back.

Her students have been in my class for a week. It's been interesting.

Our pastoral election is on Tuesday. Sooner than I would want. If I think about it for too long, I want to cry. Pastor and Sister Rice mean so much to me here. But I have to accept God's will in this situation. I will be voting for Pastor Craig. No, I don't want them to leave, but keeping this transition long term is going to be so much worse for the church and the school.

The other song going through my head is one by Wayne Watson "For Such A Time as This"

"You, do you ever wonder why
Seems like the grass is always greener
Under everybody else's sky
RIGHT HERE RIGHT HERE
For this time and place,
We can live a mirror of his mercy
A forgiven image of grace

For such a time as this
I was placed upon the earth
To hear the voice of God
And do his will whatever it is
For such a time as this
For now and all the days he gives
I am here, I am here and I am his
For such a time as this..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmYOQ8h4wsM

Right now, the world around me doesn't seem as important as what is happening here at Mountainview Christian Center. I don't see the differences that national politics makes to my life anymore. And Obama is not my president. He's not my ruler. He's not the one I look to.

God is. We would all do well to remember that. If I don't stand on that truth then I will not stand at all....

As the song says "On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand..."

From the Front of the Church to the Back...

Transitions are not something that I've ever been good at. Ever. I'm surprised I moved out here sometimes and braved that transition but here I am.

And now I'm in the middle of another...

Pastor Craig is working out well IMHO. He's busting his tail to learn the ropes at the church and at the school. He comes to say hi to my students rather frequently which is nice and plays ping pong with them. (A sure way to get a TON of love in our school) I make the coffee in the mornings still and life is somewhat going to be routine soon.

But there is a bit of tension under it all. We lost three families last year and one of them is still having an influence in the fact that we lost a student last week. She didn't want to leave but Mom made her.

The other tension is that it's a difficult spot when you are changing pastors and this church has had more than its share of wounds in this regard. So I'm working my tail off to make this transition as easy as possible. I'm aware though, that I am just one woman.

The side effect of the Rice's being in Salt Lake at least part time? A lot of other shake-ups. Devin, the pastor's son is the church drummer -- luckily, Brother David has replaced him as drummer. Unfortunately, this left another hole in the leadership.

So I too, have gotten moved. I'm not playing clarinet for awhile. Brother David was the sound guy and as Ashley is in Salt Lake at least half the time and David is on drums, I have been moved to the sound booth. *wrinkles nose daintily*

It's not that I think the sound booth is unimportant. To the contrary, I know it's a VERY important job. Services can hinge on a good sound person. But I'm not feeling comfortable in the role yet and if you goof up back there it's worse than letting a clarinet squeak that you can cover up.

Example?

Pastor Craig wanted scriptures on the wall on Sunday Morning. Brother David was not at church so I was still in the back during the sermon and spent a goodly chunk trying to figure out HOW to get the scriptures on the wall. (I called Pastor Rice after church Sunday afternoon so now I know) In the middle of this, the computer froze, so I had to reboot. The projector was still on so all the "Windows is shutting down" stuff is still going on the front screen and then when it restarted the sound was ALL OVER the sanctuary. (Bro. Sanders has shown me how to turn that sound off now)

I now think that everyone should be sentenced to several services in the sound booth. Then you don't get stares when you miss a cue on the projector (Which I'm not bad at because A. I'm good with computers and B. I pick up the music cues easily). Someone kept turning around to me EVERY TIME that I messed up this week. ANNOYING!!!!

Pastor Rice has promised me that this is temporary but I don't know who else can do it which means my clarinet and I are going through a temporary separation. I will serve in any needful way, but this is not my favorite church position. It should get better that I know SOME of what I should know though.

In the meantime, Baronial Birthday is next week. HOORAY! And it's getting pretty out here -- not quite as pretty as southern Indiana but nice enough with a crisp fall scent to the air.

God is good, all the time. Even when I don't understand where he's taking me.

Transitions...

So it begins...

Pastor Craig arrived two weeks ago -- though he is now at General Conference in North Carolina (the lucky duck gets to hear Sarah Palin speak tonight! I'm so jealous). Pastor Rice is spending half his weeks here in Idaho Falls and half in Salt Lake City.

I'm opening up to Pastor Craig a bit. Or at least am working with how I feel for what is the good of the church. I'm trying to encourage those that have never had another pastor to give it a chance. I'm trying to encourage the kids to bond a bit with Pastor Craig even though the non church kids don't know he's going to be the new principal.

One of my students today told me how much she hates change. Devin and Ashley are with Pastor and Sister Rice in Salt Lake City this week and she's all by herself in the high school. It's driving her nuts. I told her change was coming. We are close because we both have ADD. Neither of us do well with change particularly.

All the while, as I learn to love and trust a new pastor (and that is a CHOICE I make) I find myself loving Pastor and Sister Rice more and more with every day and it's tearing my heart apart.

No, they are not leaving yet. The arrangement is still going to be that any of us can go to them if we need them (and there are some issues I want to talk to an elder about!) and not step on anyone's toes. Which is a blessing.

But I'm going to miss going into the pastor's office and spilling my guts. Teasing both the Rice's. I'm going to miss praying with Ashley at the altar and hearing her say "I love you Sister Naomi". Sitting on the floor of the pastor's office and listening to him and Sister Rice advise me on my life.

I have been posting new stuff on my EA (Everyone's Apostolic) site in the last few days and I sat looking at the picture slide show as I listened to "Seasons of Love" from Rent. Half of the pictures are from church and school and a few others that are there are from Indiana.

So how do you measure a year? How do you measure love?

And how do you measure a life transition?

Topsy Turvey...

So what can I say these days?

A week in Indiana was a long one due to the circumstances. Funeral, etc and it was rough. It was nice to finally meet the beautiful Kaylee though -- and seeing the nephews and my siblings was awesome.

So I came back to my structure here. My community, my city, my home. I was dying to see my pastor and his wife and to feel the love and support of my church.

I still have that love but by the next week, things had gotten topsy turvey here too.

Two weeks ago Pastor Rice announced that the church in Salt Lake City was voting on a new pastor and that his name was the only one on the ballot.

The church sat in stunned silence as he explained the circumstances behind this occurrance. I sat with tears in my eyes waiting to leave. The Rice's are my family here.

Pastor Rice spoke with me separately after church -- he is still pastoring the church -- pastoring both as a matter of fact (The vote in Salt Lake was unanimous). The pastor for now will be Pastor Craig Rice (Pastor Rice's son) and we will vote after a few months.

After a lot of prayer I have accepted what is going on. The only thing I heard in my head when I was praying was "Do you serve me or do you serve a man?" Then Sister Rice talked to me about how the church depends on me here.

Aaron and Shayla Sanders will eventually be going to Salt Lake as well. Leaving one Rocky Mountain Hoosier in Idaho Falls, but I can't leave. Until God tells me to I stay in Idaho. I can't believe how firmly I am holding that idea but what else can I do? I see the temple several times a week.

The LDS culture here, the temple, the wards on every corner -- they all remind me WHY I am here. This is my home -- I will not leave. This town needs truth. Maybe I am not the one to reach them all, but I can try. And I can make my pastor's life easier in the meantime.

More later.

Praise You In the Storm...

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=9fad456d209b6f5ee932

"As your mercy falls, I'll raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away..."

The dreading has become reality. That's all I can say right now.

I got a phone call from my Dad this morning... Grandpa passed away.

It seems like there are so many storms in my life right now that I am feeling adrift, lost. Going without an anchor I could say...

My grandfather did not know the truth. That's killing me beyond anything. That and I was so lost in grief over one of my best friends when I was home that I barely saw him, barely spoke to him.

The support here is amazing. Pastor Rice put out the word and everyone is rallying. Dad is trying to fly me home on Monday.

Things have to start living up...

"Though my heart is torn, I will praise you in this storm."

Two Stepping With Grandpa...

There's a line in the movie Smoke Signals about all the different kinds of couples in a "Ladies' choice" dance at a Gathering of the Nations.





I danced ladies' choice at the Metis pow-wow last summer.

Ladies' choice at a pow-wow is not necessarily about lovers or boyfriends or spouses (though all of the above can apply) but many of the ladies choose other men that are significant in their lives.



Theoretically, you could choose some grass dancer that you think is the hottest thing at pow-wow, but I haven't seen it happen.





As I dress in Cherokee garb, we are asked for ladies' choice. And there is only one man there that I want to dance with. Dad was somewhere else and so was my Uncle Eric.

Grandpa was there though. No regalia, but watching and urging me to go out in the grand circle. To choose some guy from the ones waiting at the pow wow. (You cannot say no at a ladies' choice) It took me forever but I finally got him out in the circle and we two stepped for a bit -- the other girl out there danced with her father.

In the Indian culture we speak of a sacred circle. The sacred hoop as it is. Where we all are connected. My hoop includes two families, native and white. And the church family where I am. My church family is now in that hoop, connected to the American Indian part.

Now, as Grandpa is fading away, I feel that connectedness still more. When Pastor Rice tells me that everything will be all right. When my students are praying with me.

I wish I could go back and relive the moments of dancing with my grandpa at a metis pow-wow and not let go. But it cannot be the case.

But it's a memory forever in my heart.

Lose My Soul...

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=911e5fd1659cbc0a2f25

School prep is this week. I'm sitting in a newly decorated, newly painted classroom. My own poster is by my desk (Upland Reservoir system this year) and the banner I made is in the hall. ("He's a Prayer Answering God!")

Plus I have TobyMac in my ear phones. What has brought this on?

Enrollment is down this year. Way down. As Pastor Rice put it on Wednesday, "the good news is that our teacher-student ratio is phenomenal this year."

I'm scared though. Seriously. I barely make enough to live on, and I will probably have to take a pay cut. Things are seriously tight at the school and I'm looking for more stuff to bring money in!

Oddly enough, I have been discovering a gift I have, one for sales. Last week I brought in 6 max assurances during the week and then 10 in one shift on Saturday. This does bring a peculiar issue.

I was hired to work in the copy center, but now am getting moved to sales in very short order. Roger (my manager) says I have skills they didn't know about. (well, neither did I)

THEN he offered me a full time job! As in, more then match the school and probably more.

I love teaching. It's never been a sacrifice to be in the ministry before, but it looks like its about to be. I'm spending days worrying about money and I will be working two jobs. I think Roger figures that if I get my pay cut enough they can get me.

*sighs*

Interesting to have two employers that want me!

So I am listening to Toby Mac and remembering THIS is why I came out here. Satan is just trying to distract me. Revival must be coming to the school this year!

School starts Monday. Pray for more enrollments.

One Year Later/I have learned

So today marks a year since I arrived to live in Idaho Falls, Idaho.

So what have I learned?

Here's a not so extensive list.

1. Some risks are so worth taking.
2. Even if you think you've done something for the wrong reasons, if God wants you somewhere, he turns them to the right ones.
3. The people that choose to try to see underneath the surface of you can be your best friends.
4. The people who see underneath the surface will push you harder then you've ever been pushed.
5. Home is where God places you.
6. I'm not an island, I have to ask for help sometimes.
7. If God moves you away from your family, then he gives you some people to stand in for them.
8. A mission field is closer then you think.
9. Never never never miss a chance to share the truth with someone who is hungry. It may be your last chance.
10. My pastor is usually smarter then me. :)
11. Being sold out is rough, but it's so worth it.
12. The best kinds of love are those that see you as you are but still love you. And tell you so all the time.
13. I still prefer my dog to most humans, but I'm learning to trust a few more humans.
14. God can use me in spite of me.
15. To gain authority, you first have to attain a submissive spirit. Only then can God work through you.
16. It's scary when a promise first comes to fruition.
17. Everything in my life, even the unpleasant things prepared me for this place.
18. Home missions is my life.
19. Always appreciate the churches surrounding you, because they can be pretty far away.
20. Unity brings revival.
21. God never takes away any gift that he's given, but sometimes you may spend some time not using it.
22. Cleaning long infected wounds is painful, but its the only way to grow.
23. Sometimes cleaning those wounds brings back old fears.
24. Living with those fears is optional.
25. It's possible to not recognize who you have become when you look in the mirror.
26. Reserve is not an excuse for not worshipping God.
27. Always use the voice and the message that God has given you.
28. Some things you are asked to do may be unpleasant, some may be scary but God will always be with you.
29. The best friends you have are the ones that pray for you and then call when you need encouragement.
30. Encouragement is the most priceless gift.
31. The best thing in the world is being treated like an equal.
32. I'm not who I thought I was, but rather who God made me to be.
33. Teenagers are the most frustrating, most rewarding work there is.
34. I was sent to Idaho for this time.
35. If you give up one dream, God sends another.

This is Home...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0ykm1v9xbU

Summer is almost over.

And I've been here in Idaho Falls for a year now. Pretty much. This time last year I was driving asking myself WHAT I was doing leaving everything I held dear and wondering if I had made a humongo mistake by deciding to leave Southern Indiana in favor of southeastern Idaho.

I didn't make a mistake. I'm clarifying that right here and right now.

The link above is to a Switchfoot song that was on the Prince Caspian soundtrack. Amazingly fitting to my situation. I can't go back to how it was.

And this (Idaho) is home. I searched for a place that I felt safe, loved, happy. A church where I was going to be protected and at the same time pushed. And allowed to grow up.

I have it here. This is my home. This is my town. I will see revival come to this town.

I can't go back, this is home...

So You Want To Change The World...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDMGT0Ou-wU&feature=related

"So you want to change the world, what are you waiting for..."

Yeah.

But how do you start?

I work at a copy shop. I spend some nights doing things like copying LDS Sunday School literature. Or covering Jehovah's Witness Literature (They are starting a book in the local congregation so I've been coil binding several lately)... Or copying and folding local Church of Christ Bulletins. (That one wasn't as bad. Maybe felt more familiar to me somehow as my grandparents are all Christian church)

This town is so dark spiritually. I try to pray over each piece of literature that I deal with. Problem is, I can't get used to it. I don't think I will get used to it. Though that's probably not a problem.

I asked Pastor Rice on Monday if this town ever stopped breaking your heart. He replied that it was possible to become jaded to it but he hadn't. And when I asked about getting used to the temple he said you didn't.

I listened to a missionary here on Sunday. Then there was an off comment about sending a child to India when she grew up to do work. My parents may have thought they'd be sending me to Japan or to Australia.

Did they think of another mission field only 1600 miles away where I would be? Probably not, but I don't know.

All I know is I want to change this world, but I don't know how. I guess I just keep praying.

Learning To Serve, No Matter What...

Last week was my first wek of Idaho District UPCI camp. I spent my time in the junior camp, praying with a group of 8 - 11 year old girls and taking care of them and amazingly enough spending my time leading song service in junior camp service.

The theme song became the one that I taught the kids on the second day -- "Make Me A Servant", one I learned as a small child in the '80's listening to Kids Praise Kids...

"Make me a servant
Humble and meek
Lord let me lift up
Those who are weak
And may the prayer of my heart always be
Make me a servant, make me a servant
Make me a servant today..."

(For those who have never heard this song -- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWi7nFDDB88 )

A lot of what the children were learning was serving others and serving God. Serving friends, family and elders (Defined as anyone older than Brother Casper (our Sunday School super who is MUCH YOUNGER then Bro. Parnell or Bro. Hackler who were Sunday School supers when I was a Sunday School camper in the Indiana District). Anyway, suddenly I find myself in the middle of working in Idaho Sunday School, realizing what I can do with the children and my unique talents.

I spend a lot of time at church -- between the school, Sunday School and outreaches... I clean toilets, I have run snowcones, I chase around small children and I walk the pastor's dog on occasion. (Mostly at church or a good deal at camp last week. Bentley is a sweet puppy) I've even been known to make coffee every day at school when I don't drink the stuff. (Amazing how in a mormon community there are so many coffee drinkers!)

I'm saying this not to brag, but to wonder my own motivations sometimes. Whether its pleasing God or pleasing my pastor. I'll do anything I can for the Rice's and I know how blessed I am to have a pastor's family like them. (I was told that so many times last week, because I can joke with them both so easily)

It's harder right now. My grandfather had another stroke a few days before camp. He was in very good health when I left Indiana, but he's fading now, I'm facing reality because I have to do so.

Mom and Dad both say that I am where I'm supposed to be. I agree with them. I am blessed.

But yet, I can't stop worrying about my family and what I can't change. I have to serve, I have to continue, no matter what but it's harder some days then others.

Restless Days...

Now don't get me wrong.... I love where God has me and I love Idaho Falls and this region...

Just lately I'm so restless. Which isn't normal for July/August -- usually it's April where I get my worst case of this (Bringing the lines from T.S. Eliot's Wasteland to my head... "April is the cruelest month breeding/Lilac's out of the deadland mixing...." (then a few lines later) "Winter kept us cold covering/Earth with forgetful snow feeding/A little life from dried tubers")

I am just feeling on hold. I miss teaching although I do like working at Office Max. And i don't like feeling like I'm waiting for the next big thing. It inevitably makes me miss what's good about the here and now.

I don't like wondering the next day if something I said the night before is stupid and I don't like feeling drained.

But God is good all the time and he will work things out according to his plan.

Musing on life, family and church...

Well, it's been a long week. Not enough work IMHO and still not feeling the best that I could.

It was an all church campout this weekend so I ditched uprising and went yesterday for one day (how can I get a tan with SPF 50 sunscreen? that's an imponderable). Actually Keladry and I daytripped. She liked playing with Bentley (the Rice's Old English Sheepdog) and it wore her OUT.

Pastor Rice talked around the campfire last night. About how we needed to bond together and how we are family here at Mountainview. I loved that talk as I looked around the fire at the people that I love and who love me. How can I ask for more love then I have right here?

My pastor and his wife -- they took a chance on me (yes, I can hear the ABBA take a chance on me) but more seriously they saw the woman that I am slowly becoming and are urging her to come out of the shell that i have built up. It's scary for me sometimes, but I manage. I love them and they are never afraid to tell me that they love me.

There are so many people in this church that I can't even mention all the names, but all I can say is that I never lack for hugs or love.

I do miss my family though. Desperately. My brothers, my sister, my nephews, the niece I've never met. My parents and grandparents.

My grandmother had surgery and checked herself out against medical advice and my grandfather (on the OTHER side) is getting ready to be moved to a nursing home. I can't be home to help my parents with the stress of it all. I'm used to being the one who knows about this stuff.

I guess, what's bugging me the worst is that last time I was home, I was grieving so badly because of the loss of a very dear friend. And I didn't pay much attention to my grandparents. I think they'll always be there.

And now I'm afraid they wont'.

:)

I got the OMaxU training done today -- Office Max University online stuff. It's tedious but the process is over. Thank God.

Work work work. And I'm so happy with it. The job is fun, working retail is fun so far and playing with the printers is fun.

Life is good.

Snow and Summer...

Two words that should NEVER EVER go together.

Yet I wake up this morning to white all over the ground. Yeah, WHITE. I take the puppies out and go EEK!

Actually I took a picture and sent it to a dozen people. ;) Hey at least I'm honest.

I'd love some global warming right now. Seriously. It's not been summer weather yet, barely been spring weather.

I'd say I want to move somewhere with a "normal" climate but nowhere is normal. My hometown area has had two tornadoes, two earthquakes and MAJOR flooding this spring. Here it's snowing and cold and constantly windy.

Tell me how this is a comfort?

I don't know. It doesn't make me feel good when it's cloudy and windy though. In spite of varied medications doing their work on my moods.

Life is good though, I enjoy my work at Office Max and I LOVE the graphic design stuff and all the cool stuff I get to play with. VERY VERY fun.

Out of My Mind Bored...

Until Office Max calls with the news that I've passed my drug test, I'm kind of in the wind...

Which is REALLY REALLY REALLY boring.

Working on a few other odds and ends of stuff but it's driving me nuts not to be working full time. Unlimited naps loose their appeal after so long and making myself actually do the housework hasn't worked so far.

Have gotten a bit of work done with Keladry though. She's going to train up well when I work with her.

Pippin has also gotten his cuddle time.

*shrugs*

I can't wait to get back to work.

Summer Break...

So two days and I'm bored out of my skull.

This is in spite of the job hunting.

Though, I cannot complain. Three days of vacation and three job interviews and I have a job at the Office Max copy shop. Pretty psyched actually. But I'm not sure it's going to help me catch up with everything.

I'm at the church (my very cool pastor said I can come over here anytime to use the internet) and listening to a Broadway station on the computer. It's been a long few days and I already miss my students and miss coming in for prayer and Bible reading every morning.

I guess I hadn't realized how much of my life revolved around the school here -- I've been spending seven days a week at the church and get to see my pastor and his wife every day and I'm suddenly just feeling lost without the guidance sometimes. I know I can call the Rices' whenever, but I don't want to be a bother. (Though Sister Rice has claimed if I'm stressed and they don't know then they are even more worried)

It doesn't help that I'm not feeling terribly well at the moment (anemic *sighs*) and I'm worried over stuff back home. My grandfather has been hospitalized with a stroke and no matter how much I'm hearing that he is improving, I'm worried sick because I'm NOT there helping out with the situation. I'm the one who is usually helping with this kind of thing because I have the training.

Instead, I'm in Idaho Falls. A place that I ADORE, but it's feeling like a betrayal to my family.

It's easy to say "Hold your head high, you are in God's will" but it's not so easy in application sometimes. I'm not going back to Indiana, but there are moments...

The end of the year...

Graduation was last night. I smiled at two beautiful eighth grade girls and hugged them and handed them diplomas. I told them how beautiful they were, how wonderful they were and how much I loved having them in class.

Then I went back and served punch again and again, all the while trying to ignore the throbbing in my feet from the two inch gold wedge sandals that I got on clearance two months ago -- very cute, but standing too long is an issue...

Time I got done and collected presents... (a bouquet of red carnations and a ShopKo gift card) I was exhausted. It doesn't feel like the end of the school year somehow... I should be moving out of a camp cabin and going home to see Mom and Dad and then turning around and starting staff training for summer camp.

Instead, I'm hunting for a so-called "Grown up" job for the summer and just amazed at what God has done for me through this year. I'm not the same woman that left Indiana. The woman I see in the mirror is similar, but she's not the same Naomi that left.

Maybe it's the assurance that I see. Maybe it's the way that I will talk to anyone about my church now and about God. Maybe it's the easy way I'll say "Let's pray" or how free I feel to worship.

I don't know what it is. Sister Rice said today "You've blossomed since you came out here."

She's right, I know she is. Sometimes I feel as though the changes have happened all too quickly, but I love it.

And I wouldn't trade Idaho Falls for any church in Indiana.

At the end of the school year...

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I sang this song at my nephew's dedication. It's also applicable to today and to graduation.

I have two eighth graders graduating today into high school. Both are dear gifted girls who have yet to find the extent of their gifts but will at some point very soon.

I'm trying to encourage them to find their gifts as I struggle with mine. It's difficult -- I tell these girls that they should be themselves fearlessly because that's how God made them.

But yet, I still try to hide who I am at times. Not terribly often, as I have a pastor that can tell when the mask goes on, but still. I do it from time to time -- but I'm trying not to do it anymore.

For the graduates:

It's only for a moment you are mine to hold The plans that heaven has for you Will all too soon unfold So many different prayers I'll pray For all that you might do But most of all I'll want to know You're walking in the truth And If I never told you I want you to know As I watch you grow

Chorus: I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams And that faith gives you the courage To dare to do great things I'm here for you whatever this life brings So let my love give you roots And help you find your wings

May passion be the wind That leads you through your days And may conviction keep you strong Guide you on your way May there be many moments That make your life so sweet Oh, but more than memories

Chorus:

It's not living if you don't reach for the sky I'll have tears as you take off But I'll cheer as you fly Chorus

So I wake up this morning...

And a flat tire greets me.

A FLAT.

Dear God in heaven what else can go wrong?

Yeah, it's been a long few weeks.

Thankfully as I am stressing about affording a new tire, a thought comes to me.

I called Dad.

I was right. Daddy takes care of me -- he left a full size spare in my trunk before I left Idaho and it's there now.

Works for me.

Three days of school left.

Thoughts on UltraCon Apostolics and being in leadership...

When suddenly I realize that who I am has a lot to do with the person I was at another church it's time to go completely HUH!?!?!?

I guess it has to do with my being so reluctant to talk to my pastor when I am seriously overwhelmed and need help -- with my family being 1600 miles (more or less) away I end up depending on my pastor and his family sometimes -- and it feels weird to do so. I miss my family desperately no matter how much I know that I am in the will of God.

Thing is is that at the church I went to the entire time I was at Flat Rock, I never felt like I COULD go to talk to my pastor without being judged. Here, I can pop around whenever and stick out my tongue or stomp my foot when I get teased a bit. The Rices consider themselves my family while I'm out in Idaho and that's good.

I'm comfortable with Pastor Rice and Sister Rice as people. That's the thing. They are awesome folks. I get hugs constantly and told how much I am loved and appreciated almost daily. I get bragged about to visiting ministry (I've heard this) and when I conquer some horrible fear (like climbing up a mountain at Craters of the Moon this week when I am HORRIFICALLY afraid of heights) then he tells me how proud he is of me.

Problem is is that when I was in Greensburg I never went to see my pastor. It just wasn't done in the church culture there. Of course, he might have been nicer than I thought, but I was never very comfy with him.

*shrugs*

In spite of it, I'm learning to conquer fears. I'm learning to ask for help when I need it (that happens) and learning to depend on other people and open myself up.

But the more that anyone knows about me, the more I'm unsure of myself and my standing in the world. I'm not the Pentecostal princess by any stretch (My sister comes much much closer) and I'm not following any mold that any Apostolic woman follows... I guess that's why I get scared sometimes that something will go wrong with all of this and I can' t do without this town or church anymore.

But I know this is a trap of Satan to make me feel like this isn't God's will for me and that I'll never be a good leader in the church. I'm working on it. My pastor and his wife depend on me and so do a lot of others...

I'll keep on going til the end.

About Me part 2

So while the last post talked about how I got to Idaho, it said very little about me so here goes...


I am a 29 year old school teacher. I am single but have several furbabies, including a pug/chihuahua mix named Pippin (Peregrin Took when I'm upset with him), an Aussie/Border Collie/Great Pyrnees mix named Keladry (Keladry of Mindelan on one of her bad days), a cat named Kuddley (No I didn't name him :P) and a Chilean Rose Hair Tarantula named Isabella Rose. (The quietest pet in the house and the cheapest to feed, I love tarantulas)

I live in a trailer park in Ammon, ID, a suburb of Idaho Falls proper. It's one of the few non-LDS neighborhoods in town as it's a primarily Hispanic neighborhood. I like living in a hispanic neighboorhood -- the Mexican neighbors are the ones that keep to themselves and don't throw parties or have VERY loud arguments.

Music...

I love Contemporary Christian (Esp Chris Tomlin, Third Day, Michael W. Smith, Steven Curtis Chapman, Natalie Grant, Newsboys and D.C. Talk. OH and Twila Paris), old Jesus movement music (Keith Green, 2nd Chapter of Acts and Larry Norman), Jazz/Big Band (I play clarinet so BENNY GOODMAN! Also Glenn Miller) and a lot of other stuff... Artists I like but not mentioned above include: Billy Joel, Rascal Flatts, Moonwulf (Duke Moonwulf mka Micheal Longcor), Josh Groban, Sarah Brightman, Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenowith. My tastes are wildly eccentric. I also listen to a ton of Broadway and classical, especially Wicked, Godspell, Spamalot, Mama Mia and any Bach and Handel.

Books:

I like Sci-fi/Fantasy -- my brother Aaron got me started on Hitchhiker's Guide, and I also like Tamora Pierce's Tortall series and Mercedes Lackey's 100 Kingdoms series. I also like historic fiction like Eugenia Price and Jean Plaidy. Also any Karen Kingsbury that contains the Baxter Family (because they take place in Bloomington, IN) and authors like Lori Wick and Francine Rivers. Oh yeah, like Harry Potter too.

Also into mysteries -- I love the Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evonovich especially.

As far as TV goes, I get it on DVD that's it.

Quick list: CSI, CSI: Miami, Law & Order SVU, Law & Order, Firefly, Stargate SG-1, Battlestar Galactica, Muppet Show, A-Team (I'm embarrassed on that one), Monk and Psych.

Movies:

The Lion in Winter, Serenity, Ever After, Ella Enchanted, Kingdom of Heaven, Star Wars, Batman Begins, Narnia, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Princess Bride, Princess Diaries and too many others to name...

Maybe this is a bit of a glance into my ecclectic life.

How does a Hoosier end up in Idaho?

Since my lady mother has started a blog, I thought it was about time I did too. Especially since my entire family is on one side of the country and I am in Idaho Falls, Idaho.

So how did a Hoosier end up in Idaho anyway? This is a question that ends up getting asked more often than one would think. (also the question "What's a Hoosier?" Which is, in plainspeak, one from Indiana.)

I grew up in the hills and dales of South Central Indiana where I hiked a lot, read a lot and played a lot. In short, the ideal way to spend a childhood is with TONS of imagination and lots of woods around you, though I didn't always appreciate it at the time.

I also grew up with one sister (Valerie), two brothers (Matt and Aaron) and various animals. Growing up in a big family isn't always easy but it does have its joys! I also grew up with a myriad of animals and being very active in our church (New Life Apostolic Tabernacle). I was a clarinetist at 15 and teaching Sunday School and working Children's ministry by the time I was 18.

I joined the Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA) in 2004 or so and was an active member of the Shire of Cuil Cholium and am a shieldmaiden to Lord Sedric Westbrooke who is squired to Sir Alan Culross. I spin, weave, knit and sew.

It's the latter part that brought me to Idaho.

See, as a church leader I was at leadership meetings. I was also young, single and didn't keep my mouth shut. (yeah, big shock to those that know me) My big push in our church was for a single's group. Our young singles were falling through the cracks and I didn't like it! Besides, I had missed the fellowship from the church I had gone to in college (United Pentecostal Assembly in Bloomington, Indiana). So I pushed.

Brother Seniour's response? Get a leader and I don't have a problem with it. (had a cool pastor then too!) So about a year after Brother and Sister Snyder came to our church we asked them to be our single's leaders and they accepted joyfully. (Having already earned the title of "coolest old people around" from some of the youth. They're in their 60's)

So why is this important?

Because the youth pastorship of Mountainview Christian Center as well as the Jr/Sr high teacher in the Christian School is all their fault.

See, the first thing they came up with? A missions trip for summer to somewhere called Idaho Falls, Idaho. Their son-in-law pastored a church there in Idaho and could use the help. The community was predominately LDS and we could be of service there.

So off we went on a bevy of fundraisers and preperation for the grand time! Problem was is that with a lot of circumstances in my life I was deciding that I didn't want to be in ministry anymore. And frankly, I was a little unsure of going to Idaho Falls where I knew I'd be in the center of it and have to deal with the teenagers.

What happened? I fell in love. Not with a guy, but with a community in desperate need of the truth. I fell in love with the mountains, with the area, with the fact there was no ragweed (secondary to other things, but breathing freely in August was AWESOME).

I wasn't the only one. Aaron David Sanders fell in love too. The difference is that he fell in love with the area and then on close heels he feel in love with the pastor's daughter (they were married last fall). And he was out within six months.

Three years later, I was at a YMCA camp (Flat Rock River YMCA camp) teaching Outdoor Education quite contentedly, having thought that Idaho was not in my future anymore when I got an e-mail that turned my world upside down. It said simply "Idaho needs you".

You see, when I came home and Dad wasn't too thrilled with my moving and when things didn't start to happen, I thought it wasn't God's will, that I had somehow misheard his voice. I gave up on coming back so I was living part time in Southeastern Indiana (St. Paul) and teaching kids about nature, spending my days delightedly getting wet and muddly and playing with snakes and bugs and turtles.

So the idea that a school teacher was needed here was a surprise. When Sister Rice mentioned it, Sister Snyder remembered me. Talk about my world being disordered in five minutes...

Before midsummer of last year, I had the approval of three pastors (Bro. Seniour, Bro. Sangl and Pastor Rice), two professional colleagues (Mark and Marcus) and my parents and siblings. As Mom put it "What are you waiting for, God to hit you over the head?"

So I came. All the way to Idaho Falls to start a phase of my life beyond my wildest dreams. Away from my family, my church and my SCAdian family.

Idaho is far more beautiful than anyone knows. It's set in the Rocky Mountains and is more exquisite than I can describe. I live in a high desert area so our precipitation is mostly snow. (and too much of that!)

It's been rough, but it's been so worth it.