Topsy Turvey...

So what can I say these days?

A week in Indiana was a long one due to the circumstances. Funeral, etc and it was rough. It was nice to finally meet the beautiful Kaylee though -- and seeing the nephews and my siblings was awesome.

So I came back to my structure here. My community, my city, my home. I was dying to see my pastor and his wife and to feel the love and support of my church.

I still have that love but by the next week, things had gotten topsy turvey here too.

Two weeks ago Pastor Rice announced that the church in Salt Lake City was voting on a new pastor and that his name was the only one on the ballot.

The church sat in stunned silence as he explained the circumstances behind this occurrance. I sat with tears in my eyes waiting to leave. The Rice's are my family here.

Pastor Rice spoke with me separately after church -- he is still pastoring the church -- pastoring both as a matter of fact (The vote in Salt Lake was unanimous). The pastor for now will be Pastor Craig Rice (Pastor Rice's son) and we will vote after a few months.

After a lot of prayer I have accepted what is going on. The only thing I heard in my head when I was praying was "Do you serve me or do you serve a man?" Then Sister Rice talked to me about how the church depends on me here.

Aaron and Shayla Sanders will eventually be going to Salt Lake as well. Leaving one Rocky Mountain Hoosier in Idaho Falls, but I can't leave. Until God tells me to I stay in Idaho. I can't believe how firmly I am holding that idea but what else can I do? I see the temple several times a week.

The LDS culture here, the temple, the wards on every corner -- they all remind me WHY I am here. This is my home -- I will not leave. This town needs truth. Maybe I am not the one to reach them all, but I can try. And I can make my pastor's life easier in the meantime.

More later.

Praise You In the Storm...

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=9fad456d209b6f5ee932

"As your mercy falls, I'll raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away..."

The dreading has become reality. That's all I can say right now.

I got a phone call from my Dad this morning... Grandpa passed away.

It seems like there are so many storms in my life right now that I am feeling adrift, lost. Going without an anchor I could say...

My grandfather did not know the truth. That's killing me beyond anything. That and I was so lost in grief over one of my best friends when I was home that I barely saw him, barely spoke to him.

The support here is amazing. Pastor Rice put out the word and everyone is rallying. Dad is trying to fly me home on Monday.

Things have to start living up...

"Though my heart is torn, I will praise you in this storm."

Two Stepping With Grandpa...

There's a line in the movie Smoke Signals about all the different kinds of couples in a "Ladies' choice" dance at a Gathering of the Nations.





I danced ladies' choice at the Metis pow-wow last summer.

Ladies' choice at a pow-wow is not necessarily about lovers or boyfriends or spouses (though all of the above can apply) but many of the ladies choose other men that are significant in their lives.



Theoretically, you could choose some grass dancer that you think is the hottest thing at pow-wow, but I haven't seen it happen.





As I dress in Cherokee garb, we are asked for ladies' choice. And there is only one man there that I want to dance with. Dad was somewhere else and so was my Uncle Eric.

Grandpa was there though. No regalia, but watching and urging me to go out in the grand circle. To choose some guy from the ones waiting at the pow wow. (You cannot say no at a ladies' choice) It took me forever but I finally got him out in the circle and we two stepped for a bit -- the other girl out there danced with her father.

In the Indian culture we speak of a sacred circle. The sacred hoop as it is. Where we all are connected. My hoop includes two families, native and white. And the church family where I am. My church family is now in that hoop, connected to the American Indian part.

Now, as Grandpa is fading away, I feel that connectedness still more. When Pastor Rice tells me that everything will be all right. When my students are praying with me.

I wish I could go back and relive the moments of dancing with my grandpa at a metis pow-wow and not let go. But it cannot be the case.

But it's a memory forever in my heart.

Lose My Soul...

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=911e5fd1659cbc0a2f25

School prep is this week. I'm sitting in a newly decorated, newly painted classroom. My own poster is by my desk (Upland Reservoir system this year) and the banner I made is in the hall. ("He's a Prayer Answering God!")

Plus I have TobyMac in my ear phones. What has brought this on?

Enrollment is down this year. Way down. As Pastor Rice put it on Wednesday, "the good news is that our teacher-student ratio is phenomenal this year."

I'm scared though. Seriously. I barely make enough to live on, and I will probably have to take a pay cut. Things are seriously tight at the school and I'm looking for more stuff to bring money in!

Oddly enough, I have been discovering a gift I have, one for sales. Last week I brought in 6 max assurances during the week and then 10 in one shift on Saturday. This does bring a peculiar issue.

I was hired to work in the copy center, but now am getting moved to sales in very short order. Roger (my manager) says I have skills they didn't know about. (well, neither did I)

THEN he offered me a full time job! As in, more then match the school and probably more.

I love teaching. It's never been a sacrifice to be in the ministry before, but it looks like its about to be. I'm spending days worrying about money and I will be working two jobs. I think Roger figures that if I get my pay cut enough they can get me.

*sighs*

Interesting to have two employers that want me!

So I am listening to Toby Mac and remembering THIS is why I came out here. Satan is just trying to distract me. Revival must be coming to the school this year!

School starts Monday. Pray for more enrollments.

One Year Later/I have learned

So today marks a year since I arrived to live in Idaho Falls, Idaho.

So what have I learned?

Here's a not so extensive list.

1. Some risks are so worth taking.
2. Even if you think you've done something for the wrong reasons, if God wants you somewhere, he turns them to the right ones.
3. The people that choose to try to see underneath the surface of you can be your best friends.
4. The people who see underneath the surface will push you harder then you've ever been pushed.
5. Home is where God places you.
6. I'm not an island, I have to ask for help sometimes.
7. If God moves you away from your family, then he gives you some people to stand in for them.
8. A mission field is closer then you think.
9. Never never never miss a chance to share the truth with someone who is hungry. It may be your last chance.
10. My pastor is usually smarter then me. :)
11. Being sold out is rough, but it's so worth it.
12. The best kinds of love are those that see you as you are but still love you. And tell you so all the time.
13. I still prefer my dog to most humans, but I'm learning to trust a few more humans.
14. God can use me in spite of me.
15. To gain authority, you first have to attain a submissive spirit. Only then can God work through you.
16. It's scary when a promise first comes to fruition.
17. Everything in my life, even the unpleasant things prepared me for this place.
18. Home missions is my life.
19. Always appreciate the churches surrounding you, because they can be pretty far away.
20. Unity brings revival.
21. God never takes away any gift that he's given, but sometimes you may spend some time not using it.
22. Cleaning long infected wounds is painful, but its the only way to grow.
23. Sometimes cleaning those wounds brings back old fears.
24. Living with those fears is optional.
25. It's possible to not recognize who you have become when you look in the mirror.
26. Reserve is not an excuse for not worshipping God.
27. Always use the voice and the message that God has given you.
28. Some things you are asked to do may be unpleasant, some may be scary but God will always be with you.
29. The best friends you have are the ones that pray for you and then call when you need encouragement.
30. Encouragement is the most priceless gift.
31. The best thing in the world is being treated like an equal.
32. I'm not who I thought I was, but rather who God made me to be.
33. Teenagers are the most frustrating, most rewarding work there is.
34. I was sent to Idaho for this time.
35. If you give up one dream, God sends another.

This is Home...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0ykm1v9xbU

Summer is almost over.

And I've been here in Idaho Falls for a year now. Pretty much. This time last year I was driving asking myself WHAT I was doing leaving everything I held dear and wondering if I had made a humongo mistake by deciding to leave Southern Indiana in favor of southeastern Idaho.

I didn't make a mistake. I'm clarifying that right here and right now.

The link above is to a Switchfoot song that was on the Prince Caspian soundtrack. Amazingly fitting to my situation. I can't go back to how it was.

And this (Idaho) is home. I searched for a place that I felt safe, loved, happy. A church where I was going to be protected and at the same time pushed. And allowed to grow up.

I have it here. This is my home. This is my town. I will see revival come to this town.

I can't go back, this is home...

So You Want To Change The World...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDMGT0Ou-wU&feature=related

"So you want to change the world, what are you waiting for..."

Yeah.

But how do you start?

I work at a copy shop. I spend some nights doing things like copying LDS Sunday School literature. Or covering Jehovah's Witness Literature (They are starting a book in the local congregation so I've been coil binding several lately)... Or copying and folding local Church of Christ Bulletins. (That one wasn't as bad. Maybe felt more familiar to me somehow as my grandparents are all Christian church)

This town is so dark spiritually. I try to pray over each piece of literature that I deal with. Problem is, I can't get used to it. I don't think I will get used to it. Though that's probably not a problem.

I asked Pastor Rice on Monday if this town ever stopped breaking your heart. He replied that it was possible to become jaded to it but he hadn't. And when I asked about getting used to the temple he said you didn't.

I listened to a missionary here on Sunday. Then there was an off comment about sending a child to India when she grew up to do work. My parents may have thought they'd be sending me to Japan or to Australia.

Did they think of another mission field only 1600 miles away where I would be? Probably not, but I don't know.

All I know is I want to change this world, but I don't know how. I guess I just keep praying.