Insecurities

So I am here. Looking in the mirror, I am completely different from one year ago. Curled hair, confident look, different clothes...

The thing is, sometimes I feel like the same girl that graduated from Brown County High School in Nashville and wants to hide...

*shrugs*

While I'm confident in my life, there are times that old self comes crashing in on me.

It has recently. When I have a conversation with someone, I second guess it for two days. I make myself miserable thinking I have made a complete idiot of myself and replay every moment in my head. Then when the person doesn't speak to me the next day, I call myself twenty forms of stupid and try to figure out what happened.

Irrational? Ummm yes. I know it's irrational. Just too many people in my hometown, in my old school would use MY words against me. My innocence and my trust. Guys especially. Made me distrustful of all guys except my brothers (and probably why I adopted so many of them).

How do I stop this? I'm trying to break old habits in interpersonal relationships here and sometimes I think I am making progress. But then I find myself going back into my old habits.

Who I was does indeed make me who I am. But do I really have to keep being THAT person who is so insecure that she wants to hide away from site?

Thirty years and sometimes I feel like I have learned nothing.