So it's Memorial Day. Theoretically a holiday of barbecues and picnics.
Unless of course you grew up in a long line of military and then you sit and think. It's different this year after loosing my beloved grandfather who was a veteran of World War II and Korea.
So today, I salute the veterans in and out of my family. I give you this list of the men and women I know and respect. Thank you. All of you.
Irvin Banta (Grandpa -- World War II and Korea)
Robert Stone (Grandpa -- Korea)
Charles D. Banta (Dad)
Irvin J. Banta (Uncle)
Marie C. Wilson (Aunt)
Dana Griffith (Uncle)
Friends:
John Hakes (Korea and Vietnam)
Steve Snyder
Wayne McWhorter
Steve Mitchell
John Stauffer
David Carpenter
Danny Catt
Randall Keller
These are just the names that I am thinking of right now.
I'm defined by the veterans in my life. As a daughter of warriors on all sides, this defines me.
So thanks, all of you. And don't forget to thank a veteran today!
Monday, May 25, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Insecurities
So I am here. Looking in the mirror, I am completely different from one year ago. Curled hair, confident look, different clothes...
The thing is, sometimes I feel like the same girl that graduated from Brown County High School in Nashville and wants to hide...
*shrugs*
While I'm confident in my life, there are times that old self comes crashing in on me.
It has recently. When I have a conversation with someone, I second guess it for two days. I make myself miserable thinking I have made a complete idiot of myself and replay every moment in my head. Then when the person doesn't speak to me the next day, I call myself twenty forms of stupid and try to figure out what happened.
Irrational? Ummm yes. I know it's irrational. Just too many people in my hometown, in my old school would use MY words against me. My innocence and my trust. Guys especially. Made me distrustful of all guys except my brothers (and probably why I adopted so many of them).
How do I stop this? I'm trying to break old habits in interpersonal relationships here and sometimes I think I am making progress. But then I find myself going back into my old habits.
Who I was does indeed make me who I am. But do I really have to keep being THAT person who is so insecure that she wants to hide away from site?
Thirty years and sometimes I feel like I have learned nothing.
The thing is, sometimes I feel like the same girl that graduated from Brown County High School in Nashville and wants to hide...
*shrugs*
While I'm confident in my life, there are times that old self comes crashing in on me.
It has recently. When I have a conversation with someone, I second guess it for two days. I make myself miserable thinking I have made a complete idiot of myself and replay every moment in my head. Then when the person doesn't speak to me the next day, I call myself twenty forms of stupid and try to figure out what happened.
Irrational? Ummm yes. I know it's irrational. Just too many people in my hometown, in my old school would use MY words against me. My innocence and my trust. Guys especially. Made me distrustful of all guys except my brothers (and probably why I adopted so many of them).
How do I stop this? I'm trying to break old habits in interpersonal relationships here and sometimes I think I am making progress. But then I find myself going back into my old habits.
Who I was does indeed make me who I am. But do I really have to keep being THAT person who is so insecure that she wants to hide away from site?
Thirty years and sometimes I feel like I have learned nothing.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Desert Rose
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7OGieXHM5g
Ignore the very 80's/90's look but the song...
I loaded a good friend's Mp3 player recently and added this song to both of our playlists.
I don't know what is up lately, but I've started thinking a bit more about what is behind me and what has made me who I am today.
This song was my theme after I left Indiana University. When I felt like my dreams were dying and I didn't want to go back to my hometown. Sister Seniour called me "our Esther" in those days because of an IBC musical at Music Fest (where the line that got me crying was "God why can't I serve you where I want to serve you?")
The desert rose, the idea of something beautiful coming out of some of the dryest points of life is just amazing to me. And that's the nickname that I gave myself at so many points. Amazingly enough, I am now literally, living in the high desert and blooming in a spot where I thought would kill me if you'd asked me ten years ago.
God is good. He's the God of second chances and third chances and fourth chances. In spite of my rebellious streak a mile wide, he chooses to use me here in Idaho. He CHOOSES to see me through his blood and not for all my faults and failures, my thoughtless tongue and my impetous nature.
And for now, that's enough.
Ignore the very 80's/90's look but the song...
I loaded a good friend's Mp3 player recently and added this song to both of our playlists.
I don't know what is up lately, but I've started thinking a bit more about what is behind me and what has made me who I am today.
This song was my theme after I left Indiana University. When I felt like my dreams were dying and I didn't want to go back to my hometown. Sister Seniour called me "our Esther" in those days because of an IBC musical at Music Fest (where the line that got me crying was "God why can't I serve you where I want to serve you?")
The desert rose, the idea of something beautiful coming out of some of the dryest points of life is just amazing to me. And that's the nickname that I gave myself at so many points. Amazingly enough, I am now literally, living in the high desert and blooming in a spot where I thought would kill me if you'd asked me ten years ago.
God is good. He's the God of second chances and third chances and fourth chances. In spite of my rebellious streak a mile wide, he chooses to use me here in Idaho. He CHOOSES to see me through his blood and not for all my faults and failures, my thoughtless tongue and my impetous nature.
And for now, that's enough.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Golden Green days...
Golden as in golden sunlight flowing from the sky. Green as in thick green grass on the ground. (Major watering considering this is high desert. *Smiles*) So it's golden green days as far as I'm concerned.
My second year of school here is drawing to a close. I grow more and more in love with my job and my church and my students every day! Life is good here in Idaho, rough at times but good.
There's friends surrounding me that for whatever reason love me no matter what and I'm looking forward to a fantastic summer.
Yes, it will be different from last year -- no Bishop Rice sneaking up on me every day when I go check my e-mail. But it is going to be a golden time here in Idaho Falls.
Life changes, life goes on. I love it here.
My second year of school here is drawing to a close. I grow more and more in love with my job and my church and my students every day! Life is good here in Idaho, rough at times but good.
There's friends surrounding me that for whatever reason love me no matter what and I'm looking forward to a fantastic summer.
Yes, it will be different from last year -- no Bishop Rice sneaking up on me every day when I go check my e-mail. But it is going to be a golden time here in Idaho Falls.
Life changes, life goes on. I love it here.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
