"Straight Sizes"

Never heard the term?

I'm not surprised I guess. Most people haven't. Unless you're in plus sizes and then you understand perfectly.

I had a turning point this weekend. My khaki skirts that I wear to Office Max are all falling off of me. In fact, anything without a drawstring is starting to fall off of me. So while I was in at Ross's, I looked at the belt rack.

I have never been able to get a belt in my life, at least not without squeezing, scrimping and pushing at it.

I pulled an XL belt off the rack and it FIT with room to spare. As in the first try I pick up a simple black belt that is so to my taste it's not even funny.

Then it got better. I spoke for some 1X tops on freecycle. These looked too small but I tried them on anyway. I'm wearing the second one today. A pretty fitted tunic top with pleats that buttons up the front.

Not sure but I am going to try on the cute velvet WalMart dresses just to see...


So why am I writing this?

It's a scary moment in my life. I haven't run around in an 18/20 since around college days. Before the first major bout of depression, I was in an 18 and ok with it then, but did want to be skinnier. I'll never be a size 6, it's not in my build, but I'm loosing a lot of the extra weight.

It's scary. I've been big for so long, it's felt like an exclusive club I belong to. Clothing choices are a lot less but at least it's predictable.

Now that I'm on the cusp of the so-called "straight sizes" (And yeah, I can wear some of them) I'm scared spitless... Everyone is like "Oh you look so good" or "It's so much healthier for you"

And I am sitting falling apart for no apparent reason other than suddenly I have more choices in my clothing and knowing that this may or may not bring more attention to my appearance. (I'm still VERY curvy. That's another always will be)

So... What's going to happen? Why am I so scared?

I don't know.