Learning To Serve, No Matter What...

Last week was my first wek of Idaho District UPCI camp. I spent my time in the junior camp, praying with a group of 8 - 11 year old girls and taking care of them and amazingly enough spending my time leading song service in junior camp service.

The theme song became the one that I taught the kids on the second day -- "Make Me A Servant", one I learned as a small child in the '80's listening to Kids Praise Kids...

"Make me a servant
Humble and meek
Lord let me lift up
Those who are weak
And may the prayer of my heart always be
Make me a servant, make me a servant
Make me a servant today..."

(For those who have never heard this song -- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWi7nFDDB88 )

A lot of what the children were learning was serving others and serving God. Serving friends, family and elders (Defined as anyone older than Brother Casper (our Sunday School super who is MUCH YOUNGER then Bro. Parnell or Bro. Hackler who were Sunday School supers when I was a Sunday School camper in the Indiana District). Anyway, suddenly I find myself in the middle of working in Idaho Sunday School, realizing what I can do with the children and my unique talents.

I spend a lot of time at church -- between the school, Sunday School and outreaches... I clean toilets, I have run snowcones, I chase around small children and I walk the pastor's dog on occasion. (Mostly at church or a good deal at camp last week. Bentley is a sweet puppy) I've even been known to make coffee every day at school when I don't drink the stuff. (Amazing how in a mormon community there are so many coffee drinkers!)

I'm saying this not to brag, but to wonder my own motivations sometimes. Whether its pleasing God or pleasing my pastor. I'll do anything I can for the Rice's and I know how blessed I am to have a pastor's family like them. (I was told that so many times last week, because I can joke with them both so easily)

It's harder right now. My grandfather had another stroke a few days before camp. He was in very good health when I left Indiana, but he's fading now, I'm facing reality because I have to do so.

Mom and Dad both say that I am where I'm supposed to be. I agree with them. I am blessed.

But yet, I can't stop worrying about my family and what I can't change. I have to serve, I have to continue, no matter what but it's harder some days then others.

Restless Days...

Now don't get me wrong.... I love where God has me and I love Idaho Falls and this region...

Just lately I'm so restless. Which isn't normal for July/August -- usually it's April where I get my worst case of this (Bringing the lines from T.S. Eliot's Wasteland to my head... "April is the cruelest month breeding/Lilac's out of the deadland mixing...." (then a few lines later) "Winter kept us cold covering/Earth with forgetful snow feeding/A little life from dried tubers")

I am just feeling on hold. I miss teaching although I do like working at Office Max. And i don't like feeling like I'm waiting for the next big thing. It inevitably makes me miss what's good about the here and now.

I don't like wondering the next day if something I said the night before is stupid and I don't like feeling drained.

But God is good all the time and he will work things out according to his plan.