Turning 30....

I don't know what it was that caused this thought process...

Challenges at church?

Work going by?

Just a generally restless feeling?

Or is it my cousin Andrea's blog that brought it on, I don't know.

I turn 30 next month. Maybe not a big deal to some but to me it starts to signal another phase in my life. I look back and reflect on how good God is but its still startling to realize that I am as old as my mother used to be...

Ok, that sounds odd, but what I mean by that is this:

Any time I remember asking my Mom how old she was the answer was always 30 or older. Same with Dad. Yet, I don't remember a lot of what Mom looked like back then (before a housefire) and things like how she was built or how much gray she had.

Hey, I am not sure now half the time, her hair is getting more "salt" then salt and pepper these days and so is Dad's. (I'm surprised Dad still has hair but that's another story altogether... See some pictures of my uncles and you'll understand)

Some vain part of me keeps looking for gray hairs in the mirror and trying to figure out how to casually hide them if they do show up. They haven't yet (I'm not that vain, but I want to feel like I've EARNED gray hairs if I get them).

When I entered my teens, I dealt with junior high, catty girls, cruel boys and depression.

When I entered my 20's, my world was rocked with a car accident that should have killed me. I spent the whole summer of my 21st year on a walker, then a cane and finally limping as I learned to walk again. Two years later, another wreck, this time readjusting my viewpoint on life, injuring my back so I couldn't pursue the nursing career that I dreamed of. Plus multiple illnesses and then a missions trip that changed my life forever.

That missions trip brought me here. To where I will spend my thirties and possibly the rest of my life.

I came out here, figuring it was only for one year and then it turned into another... I have no intention of leaving a town that I love so much!

I'm restless these days, wanting to change my image, slowly change who I am. Slightly shorter skirts, high heels, playing with my hair. It's like I'm trying to figure out WHO I am.

But I know who I am. I'm the woman that God made me to be. The audio-visual-sound person-teacher-kids church director-helping my pastor out any way I can-drama team-musician woman. I live in a Mormon community where I see a temple almost daily and it breaks my heart.

There's a song from Casting Crowns that sums it up "Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord you catch me when I'm falling and you show me who I am, I am YOURS"

I belong to God, old or young, married or single. And that is that.