Never heard the term?
I'm not surprised I guess. Most people haven't. Unless you're in plus sizes and then you understand perfectly.
I had a turning point this weekend. My khaki skirts that I wear to Office Max are all falling off of me. In fact, anything without a drawstring is starting to fall off of me. So while I was in at Ross's, I looked at the belt rack.
I have never been able to get a belt in my life, at least not without squeezing, scrimping and pushing at it.
I pulled an XL belt off the rack and it FIT with room to spare. As in the first try I pick up a simple black belt that is so to my taste it's not even funny.
Then it got better. I spoke for some 1X tops on freecycle. These looked too small but I tried them on anyway. I'm wearing the second one today. A pretty fitted tunic top with pleats that buttons up the front.
Not sure but I am going to try on the cute velvet WalMart dresses just to see...
So why am I writing this?
It's a scary moment in my life. I haven't run around in an 18/20 since around college days. Before the first major bout of depression, I was in an 18 and ok with it then, but did want to be skinnier. I'll never be a size 6, it's not in my build, but I'm loosing a lot of the extra weight.
It's scary. I've been big for so long, it's felt like an exclusive club I belong to. Clothing choices are a lot less but at least it's predictable.
Now that I'm on the cusp of the so-called "straight sizes" (And yeah, I can wear some of them) I'm scared spitless... Everyone is like "Oh you look so good" or "It's so much healthier for you"
And I am sitting falling apart for no apparent reason other than suddenly I have more choices in my clothing and knowing that this may or may not bring more attention to my appearance. (I'm still VERY curvy. That's another always will be)
So... What's going to happen? Why am I so scared?
I don't know.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Running the Dog Spa
For those that don't know, the love of my life is not a human male but a bratty pug/chi rescue named Pippin. Today was a semi-free afternoon. So here is the tragic tale....
I was playing with his majesty the pug in the living room today and decided his toenails were getting on my nerves.
As well as his smell.
So steps go as follows:
1. Grab Messiah CD (for my own personal relaxation also Kris, Lynn and I are going to a Handel concert tonight so... :) ) and toenail trimmers from my room.
2. Grab the dog. Pippin does not think he is in this for any personal lap time nor is he getting fed so he's already leary.
3. Take left front paw and hold it firmly in hand, then clip dew claw.
4. Pug tries to make himself look small and pathetic and shivering and jerking foot away. Human sits firm.
5. Four claws later on same paw, cry of distress is heard.
6. Mommy stops and then grabs a kleenex, hoping to save jeanskirt from blood stains, all the while telling pug everything is ok.
7. Human stops suddenly when pulling tissue away realizes that there is no blood present on the tissue.
8. Human continues on right front foot.
9. Human once more stops when pug yelps.
10. Once more grabs tissue to find that there is no blood.
11. Human realizes she is getting royally played by pug and manages to complete the job.
12. After pug is exhausted by this job, bath is simple and followed off by a good poop.
yeah, definitely personality.
I was playing with his majesty the pug in the living room today and decided his toenails were getting on my nerves.
As well as his smell.
So steps go as follows:
1. Grab Messiah CD (for my own personal relaxation also Kris, Lynn and I are going to a Handel concert tonight so... :) ) and toenail trimmers from my room.
2. Grab the dog. Pippin does not think he is in this for any personal lap time nor is he getting fed so he's already leary.
3. Take left front paw and hold it firmly in hand, then clip dew claw.
4. Pug tries to make himself look small and pathetic and shivering and jerking foot away. Human sits firm.
5. Four claws later on same paw, cry of distress is heard.
6. Mommy stops and then grabs a kleenex, hoping to save jeanskirt from blood stains, all the while telling pug everything is ok.
7. Human stops suddenly when pulling tissue away realizes that there is no blood present on the tissue.
8. Human continues on right front foot.
9. Human once more stops when pug yelps.
10. Once more grabs tissue to find that there is no blood.
11. Human realizes she is getting royally played by pug and manages to complete the job.
12. After pug is exhausted by this job, bath is simple and followed off by a good poop.
yeah, definitely personality.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Full Circle/ Seasons Change
We had a field trip yesterday. The whole school went to Blast Off, a local Laser Tag/Arcade/Playground/Pizza/Miniature Golf/Rock climbing place. Fun stuff really. I ran around like a maniac with my students, shooting them all and "defending" our red base. Quite fun.
It did take me back though. Three years ago, when our youth/singles were here on the missions trip that changed our lives, we went to Blast Off for Laser Tag... We shot Pastor Rice and giggled and had a great time. I went home and waited for two hours for the adrenaline to wear off.
I talked to Sister Snyder (my pastor's wife's mother) that night about wanting to come back here, feeling God's call on my life. We giggled about some other stuff (left in my head and heart for now) and I went to bed, knowing that THIS was where I belonged. And I knew that Pastor Rice would be my pastor at some point.
Fast forward to 2007, I have lived here over a year. And all the work of being involved in a home missions church, furthered by all the transitions of late. And amazingly enough, a church election last night.
Yes, Pastor Craig was voted in. Much to my relief as this church cannot handle the stress of doing this multiple times. And the last three days had been stressful enough to make me scream.
So I have come full circle, playing laser tag with my students and wondering about where life is going once more. But God has control of my life and that makes everything perfect.
It did take me back though. Three years ago, when our youth/singles were here on the missions trip that changed our lives, we went to Blast Off for Laser Tag... We shot Pastor Rice and giggled and had a great time. I went home and waited for two hours for the adrenaline to wear off.
I talked to Sister Snyder (my pastor's wife's mother) that night about wanting to come back here, feeling God's call on my life. We giggled about some other stuff (left in my head and heart for now) and I went to bed, knowing that THIS was where I belonged. And I knew that Pastor Rice would be my pastor at some point.
Fast forward to 2007, I have lived here over a year. And all the work of being involved in a home missions church, furthered by all the transitions of late. And amazingly enough, a church election last night.
Yes, Pastor Craig was voted in. Much to my relief as this church cannot handle the stress of doing this multiple times. And the last three days had been stressful enough to make me scream.
So I have come full circle, playing laser tag with my students and wondering about where life is going once more. But God has control of my life and that makes everything perfect.
Friday, November 7, 2008
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand...
"My hope is built on nothing less
Then Jesus' blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly lean on Jesus name.
On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand..."
The song that has been going through my head for two weeks. I was singing it in the back a week or so back and was rewarded by hearing Pastor Rice humming behind me. He's the only one I know that will come back when I am playing Keith Green or 2nd Chapter of Acts and come and sing with it. (I was doing lesson plans this summer and he came back and started singing Mansion Builder with my CD LOL)
It's been interesting at Mountainview Christian Center recently. Pastor Craig has put enough miles on his car between here and Lewiston that I'm surprised that gas isn't eating him alive. Pastor Rice and Sister Rice are in Salt Lake over half the week, leaving me with two students in class. Then Sister Lisa got sick and messed up her back.
Her students have been in my class for a week. It's been interesting.
Our pastoral election is on Tuesday. Sooner than I would want. If I think about it for too long, I want to cry. Pastor and Sister Rice mean so much to me here. But I have to accept God's will in this situation. I will be voting for Pastor Craig. No, I don't want them to leave, but keeping this transition long term is going to be so much worse for the church and the school.
The other song going through my head is one by Wayne Watson "For Such A Time as This"
"You, do you ever wonder why
Seems like the grass is always greener
Under everybody else's sky
RIGHT HERE RIGHT HERE
For this time and place,
We can live a mirror of his mercy
A forgiven image of grace
For such a time as this
I was placed upon the earth
To hear the voice of God
And do his will whatever it is
For such a time as this
For now and all the days he gives
I am here, I am here and I am his
For such a time as this..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmYOQ8h4wsM
Right now, the world around me doesn't seem as important as what is happening here at Mountainview Christian Center. I don't see the differences that national politics makes to my life anymore. And Obama is not my president. He's not my ruler. He's not the one I look to.
God is. We would all do well to remember that. If I don't stand on that truth then I will not stand at all....
As the song says "On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand..."
Then Jesus' blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly lean on Jesus name.
On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand..."
The song that has been going through my head for two weeks. I was singing it in the back a week or so back and was rewarded by hearing Pastor Rice humming behind me. He's the only one I know that will come back when I am playing Keith Green or 2nd Chapter of Acts and come and sing with it. (I was doing lesson plans this summer and he came back and started singing Mansion Builder with my CD LOL)
It's been interesting at Mountainview Christian Center recently. Pastor Craig has put enough miles on his car between here and Lewiston that I'm surprised that gas isn't eating him alive. Pastor Rice and Sister Rice are in Salt Lake over half the week, leaving me with two students in class. Then Sister Lisa got sick and messed up her back.
Her students have been in my class for a week. It's been interesting.
Our pastoral election is on Tuesday. Sooner than I would want. If I think about it for too long, I want to cry. Pastor and Sister Rice mean so much to me here. But I have to accept God's will in this situation. I will be voting for Pastor Craig. No, I don't want them to leave, but keeping this transition long term is going to be so much worse for the church and the school.
The other song going through my head is one by Wayne Watson "For Such A Time as This"
"You, do you ever wonder why
Seems like the grass is always greener
Under everybody else's sky
RIGHT HERE RIGHT HERE
For this time and place,
We can live a mirror of his mercy
A forgiven image of grace
For such a time as this
I was placed upon the earth
To hear the voice of God
And do his will whatever it is
For such a time as this
For now and all the days he gives
I am here, I am here and I am his
For such a time as this..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmYOQ8h4wsM
Right now, the world around me doesn't seem as important as what is happening here at Mountainview Christian Center. I don't see the differences that national politics makes to my life anymore. And Obama is not my president. He's not my ruler. He's not the one I look to.
God is. We would all do well to remember that. If I don't stand on that truth then I will not stand at all....
As the song says "On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand..."
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